Four Letter Words
by Fioleefan
Summary: Reminiscing about the good old days can drive one insane... Fiolee drabble... after Fi's gone.


Four letter words.

Waking up next to you was my favorite part. Knowing you were going to be there when I opened my eyes, to hear your breathing and heart thumping once my senses jolted to life. It makes made feel…secure.

Once my eyes opened, I would lay there by your side admiring your beauty. How perfect you are… and how mine.

Then your eyes would open, lazily fluttering and adjusting to the darkness of my dimly lit bedroom. Those bright blue orbs would light up even my darkest days. They reminded me of the beautiful blue skies from before the war. The memories are fuzzy but I remember watching the clouds pass by from the comfort of a shady apple tree as a child. I could get lost in those pools you call eyes. Then the golden hair around your face would eclipse them momentarily. The golden locks that reminded me of the sunrises I would hardly see. The ones from before the sky seemed to bleed. You never truly value something until it's gone.

Your eyes would flutter as you blinked away sleep and your smile would quickly appear as you brushed away hair. That smile… it started my day. I could stare at it for hours on end.

Even with all the battle scars, your face…it's the most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on.

You're perfect.

After everything we had gone through… All the fights and arguments and obstacles, I had come to realize… many things about you…me…us. However, laying by your side…here in the comfort of my dimly lit bedroom, I had come to realize the most important of all my realizations.

I didn't love you.

I didn't. Don't.

Love wasn't—isn't enough to describe how I felt and still feel about you.

Saying I loved you…love you… it feels like an understatement. I know it's crazy… compared to all I've lived. And the short time we were together…. But you knew more about me than anyone could. And as cheesy as it sounds, I felt as if I knew you my entire life… I never felt this way about anyone.

THEN, your eyes would shut again; you would be lying on your stomach now, facing me. I would lay on my side, my fingers trailing slowly up & down your exposed back. A relaxed sigh comes from you and I can't help reminisce of the times I caused those sighs.

It's embarrassing how just watching you made me feel like butter on toast.

I've always been go with the flow and carefree, skeptical just to be annoying, but to this day, I find myself genuinely wondering: What was so different about you?

What was it about you, my beautiful bunny, which made me react this way?

I could never play coy.

You caused me to emote.

You've gotten me to be nice.

Ten minutes couldn't go by without my mind frolicking about you in some way or form.

Some nights, when I willed myself into bed for sleep…the nights I'm not chasing after you, I dreamt about us.

It's frustrating how much of my attention you claimed—claim. Even when you weren't around… Even still.

How many songs have I written for you? I lost count years ago.

I don't know what it is…but I needed it. I need you. Desperately.

Those feelings make me wonder about you. Are you truly human? Or some enchanting demoness that has put me under her spell? Or are you so simply an angel? A fallen angel heaven now misses terribly?

It would explain a lot.

Explain how you just saying my name would drive me crazy. How I couldn't help but smile when you were around. How when I looked at you I'd feel all…fluttery. How I couldn't help but blush when you touched me….and if I had a heart… I'm sure it'd go crazy beating for you. Just you. In fact, sometimes, while I was lost in the sweet, warm, feel of your lips, I could've almost felt a…thump.

But maybe I was just crazy…You had that effect on me.

"Stop staring at me." Your voice echoes of my walls. Taunting at your absence. I can imagine you attempting to suppress a smile now. If you had guessed how much you meant – mean to me. You'd guess wrong. You'd have to multiply that by a gazillion more to be even close.

"I'm not." I protest to the empty room, a smile bubbling up. Sure, you were too good…literally. You were so…heroic. It was sickening. However I had come to depend on that. And admire. You kept me centered. You never let me get away with anything! And you were too smart for your own good. Always having something to retaliate with…or resorting to violence when not. Sadistic child. "I'm just… admiring the way my sheets pool around you." I smirked.

"Mmhm." The walls hum and if I shut my eyes I can see you snuggling into the pillow, your eyes still shut. By this point I had already realized my obsession with you… but what's love, if not controlled obsession?

"I hate you Fi." I smiled, relaxed and eyes shut. I can see you now.

You're brow up and smiling confused, ""Hate? Why?"

"Because… love isn't enough." I shrugged, my hand now rising to push my hair back.

"Your logic is astounding." I can hear the smirk by your tone.

"Love…it's just a four letter word." I continue.

"So's hate." You retaliate. "But if you want to hate me… feel free. I hate you too."

"You want me to hate you?" I feigned shock, unable to keep the grin off my face. I opened my eyes and saw you there. In the same attire I saw you last. Your seventeen year old face staring back at me even after the hundred years. The blue and white. And that bunny hat. I reached over and brushed hair from your face, cupping it and leaning forwards. "You sick little bunny."

"Not even death shall keep us apart." – Anonymous.

A/N

Hi. Been a while. This is my welcome back to FF… I will be updating soon. Hopefully.


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